Saturday, December 15, 2007


This was the best conversation I have ever had in my life. Those of you who know me also know what a sparkling wit I am (lol).

I was reading the other day somewhere about witty repartees and in a fit [tut, we are not talking about fitness here], I wrote this fictional conversation. to make it interesting, I have made myself the Protagonist [Thats how, self-acclaimed and progressive critics like to refer to the main character in a movie]. Beware, some of my answers are not scientifically correct.

Additions or modifications are welcome. Other types of wit, typically described as "sarcasm","irony","pithy" and various adjectives are frowned upon. come on, "frowned upon" is a figurative speech. I can't raise my eyebrows, if thats what you are after.

He: "Are you human?"
Me: "No, I belong to a sub-species of the human race called Pithecanthropus. This sub-species stands between the Neanderthals, you know those ones, right? with those funny-shaped heads? and between homosapiens."

He: "Are you joking?"
Me: "No, in fact, I belong to a sub-sub-species, called Pithecanthropus Erectus. This is the full name based on the scientific Linnaer method. There are two versions for this. The additional Erectus comes from the fact that they were the first human species to stand erect, goes one version. The other version is that they were the first humans to have an, er, you know what..."

He: "You didn't answer my question. Are you human?"
Me: "No, I am sorry, I am an intergalactic spider, masquerading as a human."

He: "Are you sick or something? you seem to be drunk in the middle of a day?"
Me: "To confess, I suffer from a disease of the mind called klypsositis."

He: "Is it also called insanity in common parlance?"
Me: "No, it is a state of mind, where the individual tries to invent new terms and uses bombastic sesquipedalian verbiage in an attempt to prove himself."

He: "We simply call such people idiots"
Me: "Thats the result of limited vocabulary, improper upbringing and self-taught knowledge. There are so many states of insanity as between 0 and 1 in a binary system"
He: "Thats ridiculous. Binary system has only 2 states."
Me: "I never said there were many."
He: "But you said..."
Me: "Yes?"

He: [Completely confused now]"lets think logically"
Me: I usually think logically. There is nothing new for me to start now. Do you have a techniques to separate your thinking?"

He: "I mean lets start again"
Me: "OK. where we started off was with humans called Pithecanthropus erectus and their eating habits."
He: "That was not our discussion."
Me: "Oh sorry, you are at the wrong table."

[I leave the table...]

By the way, the true master [or rather mistress] of wit was Dorothy Parker. One of her gems was "This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. "

Read here some of her wit. Its a meagre list, but I am sure you all google well.


Blogger Vyjayanthi said...

haa!! non-veg !!! :p

December 18, 2007 1:59 PM  
Blogger RAGHAV (Anything is Possible) said...

:-) .. Are you human ?

December 19, 2007 11:17 AM  

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